After a long run of sadness,fights and misery. Love and understanding is back ad lots of wonderful things happened to us. We even went out of town woth my family and were together for more dan 24 hours. I want you to trust me with all your life and dont doubt me even for one second. Im so happy and inlove with you again. I hope you are feeling the same way. I promise you that no one can ever stop our love hunny. Sorry if my blog now is so short again. I love you hunny.

After so many weeks of fight, arguments. misunderstandings, sleepless nights and all the negative things that can happen to a relationship has happened to us and I’m proud to stay that we’re stronger than ever. Yesterday, April 21, 2009, we were reconciled. We went our the whole day, watched movie, ate, bought a couple of things and that day made me realized that I truly belong to her. I missed her so bad that I really want to make it up so bad to her. I wanna make her happy and maximize the time that we have. Sooner we are going to be busy again. Me with my work and she with her studies. I just hope things that happended in the past wil not happen again. I hope we really learned something and that made us a better ouple. I LOVE YOU HUNNY!. You know I always do and that will never change!

I don’t know what to say.

I should be happy.. but, there are things that are a bit off in some way..

This feeling.. makes me sad.

I guess, that “space” thing, might have made him realized some stuffs, but - - it made me feel uneasy, something is definitely off. I’m really sad.

This feeling, is very tiring. I’m really tired of sadness.

Sigh.

I finally got what he meant - - I did need some space.

I had too much problem - - too much. It’s so amazing how I can handle all the pain. I was totally out of my mind - - and made a mistake, I would have never done If I am with my normal self.

I thought I was okay, and I wanted for us to be together - - I forgot that I should be trusting him, believing in him.

He was right, I need some space. I need to relax myself, think things through.

I swear nothing happen about that guy - - the whole time I spaced out. Sometimes, even the best guys - - cannot be compared to someone you really love.

I hope things will be better soon. I believe in him.

I also need some space. See you soon.

My mind is actually messed up.

I don’t know what is the right thing to do..

I think, I’m making a wrong decision - - but.. It’s not like someone would care if I do it, right? It’s also the only way for me not to bug him.

And, I also think I am almost at my limit - - If things doesn’t get any better I really wouldn’t know what would be the right thing to do. I hope he could lead me, but - - I don’t think he will.

So, as early as now, I want to apologize. I’m sorry.

True love, never surrenders. It might get tired but a little rest is enough to love again even better. Coz, true love would never complain. It would always find a way to understand pain..

I wonder, how true is true love..

I wonder.. why I can’t seem to let it all go.. Why do I still believe.. he’s coming back..

I’m scared..

I want to see him smile at me.. again..
His smile.. will lift my spirits again.

- - I’ll be leaving today for a short vacation. I - - hope I can get hold of myself.

I want to rewrite our past, to something much more. Isn’t better that way.. If we could actually start over again?

I’ll try my best.. not to make the same mistakes……

Am I not worth loving?

Is it that hard to love me?

My.. heart.. keeps aching.. and aching..

My eyes.. keeps crying and crying..

but.. no one.. really cared..

No one..

I just wanted for us to be okay.. I just wanted to spend summer with him and only him.. was that really hard to do?

Am I that annoying?

I wonder.. If I can ever recover..

I still.. love him.. and I hate it.

Recently.. I kept on dreaming..

My dream was different, he - - message me. I just saw his name, but wasn’t able to read the message because I woke up.

I suddenly wonder.. Is, I love you - - so easy to say to someone now a days? Just to let that person be yours, or just to let them shut up.. you say this phrase like it is nothing? Is giving yourself to someone so easy that it has become a hobby of most people? Is it.. normal, even if you don’t love that person..

I thought - - always thought, it was so sacred to the fact you only give yourself to someone when you really love him. When.. you think and feel he is the rightful person to have you entirely.

I don’t even know why I am thinking about this..

I just thought.. loving someone can be pretty hard.. You wanted that someone to always be with you, only with you and no one else. I wonder, if there is a limit into loving someone.. I wonder if I shouldn’t have taken this love so seriously..

I could even remember a girl who gave me her blessing with him - - “goodluck, but.. believe me, you don’t need to take him seriously”

That… made me sad. Nonetheless, whatever he says, I believe him. I’m glad… he was the one I love, the one I gave myself - - entirely, like no one else. No one else..

But, this is all I can do.. reminisce memories, tell my thoughts about this.. nothing else, compared to what he is feeling right now.. all I can say is.. I’m sorry. I.. really wish, he can give me a chance to make it up for him.. though, I think, he won’t..

Though life still needs to go on.. sometimes, you just can’t help but to be sad. When everyone is happy, all you can do is smile for them..

I wonder, after all the pain.. will there be happiness, or maybe, there will be a much greater pain.. waiting for me..

Today, I failed to do what I promised.

Today, I found out something.

Today, I cried hard.

Today, I’ve lost all the hope I had (because of what I found out)

Today, I told myself (get lost)

Today, I felt stupid

Today, I told myself, to stop dreaming

Today, I’m so confused and don’t know what to do

After everything..

Today, I still chose to believe

Today, I still hope for the impossible

Today, I still believe every word he said

Today, I told myself (If I don’t fulfill that promised I’ll stab myself)

Today, my heart felt pain, 10x the times I got hurt before..

So today.. starting today.

I..

- - - *sigh*

I had a terrible night.

I can’t sleep.

I had a nightmare.. it was scary. Really.. scary.

I’ll try just to ignore it.. As much as I wanted to tell it to him, I just can’t.. and maybe, I won’t.

I’m much better right now, I think. As much as I want to call him, I won’t. Probably, because.. not only with the relationship. Me, myself as an individual, doesn’t want to rely on him too much. I really want to overcome this, and when I’m ready. I think, that would be the time for me to be able to face him.